We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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