Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
