Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
