I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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