I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
