Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Randomize
