I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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