I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
