mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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