Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
