I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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