Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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