help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
