capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
