The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
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You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
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We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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