why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
