She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
It's official drugs can't kill me
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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