So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
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