i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
