I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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