I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
