I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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