i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
