We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
