Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
