I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
