The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
