Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
