Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
