Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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