I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
