he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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