He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
this hospital has no fireball
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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