how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
