why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
