How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
