he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
