closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
