it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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