id be glad to
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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