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oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
