hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
