so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
