just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize