i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Randomize
