As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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