Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Randomize
