Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
