Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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