I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
