There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
