I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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