i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
