I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
