Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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