At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
