dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
