He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
