goodnight i made you a song goodbye
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
