my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
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Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
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At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
my nose is crying tears of wow.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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